Thursday, May 6, 2010

The TRUE Story Of Rapunzel!


Once upon a time, there was a girl named Rapunzel. But we already know that story! Which isn't true! In the end of the story, I die! How mean is that?! My name is not "The Ogre" or "The Witch". I don't know how that witch business got started! My real name is Rose! Well anyways, we should get onto the story before this interrigator gets on my last nerve.
Well a long long long time ago,before you were even thought about, some guy came into my garden and stole a bunch of my plants! I asked him sweetly if he could please return them because I grew them for my grandaughter who has the flu. But he refused. He said his wife was pregnant with their first born and she would die if she didn't get any of my Rampian (or Rapunzel).I felt horrible but I told him to ask next time. He nodded and agreed. Before he left, I asked him if I could see his baby girl when she was born. He agreed quickly and climbed up over my garden wall and disappeared.
Well he returned the next day and didn't ask in advance. But I let him go. Instead of him explaining while he was over at my garden, he insisted that I took his baby girl as soon as she was born, in exchange for all the Rampion he could eat! I couldn't accpet his generous offer and I couldn't refuse it either! I quickly accepted his kind offer and his eyes filled with tears of joy!
A few minutes before she was born, her mother named her Rapunzel: after her favorite plant and food. Well as soon as Rapunzel was born, her mother was fed a enormous bowl of Rampion. She spit it out. Her husband asked what was wrong. Apparently, as soon as little sweet Rapunzel was born, her appetite for Rampion went with her. She hated the food and demanded anything related to the matter was sent locked up in a tower, far far away from where they lived. In the middle of the woods. She demanded that the tower be 250 feet high and 50 feet wide. She also said that there should be one comfortable room for her daughter at the top. The tower was to have no doors what so ever. Her daughter was so frightened that her hair grew a sudden 250 feet.
See, It took fifteen years for them to build the tower. Rapunzel lived with me and my grandaughter for that time. I couldn't bear to send away sweet Rapunzel! But when the time came, I had to do what I had to do. Teenage Rapunzel was sent to be locked up in the tower, along with all of the Rampian.
Well Rapunzel wasn't that sad. She, er, "Texted" me telling me she had great Wi-Fi connection and she ordered pizza every night. I grew worried. Pizza every night? But it's impossible! How could he get up there? Well I planned to find out!
Now if you were paying attention, you would've known that baby Rapunzel had a sudden growth of her hair (to a length of 250 feet). Well I hid in the brambles and watched.
The Pizza Man arrived at around 9:00pm. His name was Jake. Sounds like a hooligan! I thought. He called to her: "Hey Rapunzel! Ra-pun-zel! Lemme up!" She giggled (she apparently knew this boy!) and let down her hair. He climbed her hair! Well, I was right on his tail! Rapunzel forgot to pull her hair up! I climbed the hair. Apparently she didn't notice!
When I got up there, she had a sheepish look in her eyes. "What are you, er, doing up here?" She said nervously. "Rapunzel," I started, thinking of an excuse. "I came to visit my beautiful adopted daughter!" And I hugged her tightly.
Her face got angry! "GET AWAY!" She yelled. I scooted back as she called the police. I accidently went to far because I tripped over some pizza and fell out of the only window.
When the cops arrived, they thought I was tresspassing! They wouldnt buy my story! I scoffed and they took me away to this prison.
According to officials, Rapunzel and Jake the pizza boy ran away to get married. So there you have it, the true story of Rapunzel.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Last Weekend


My weekend was CRAZY! I was doing my thing(brushing my hair) when some crazy chick wanted to climb my HAIR! My HAIR! Sure my hair is like 100 feet long but i dont want some chick who stole me at birth to CLIMB it! What is WRONG with people these days!? I don't want to be bald! She was like, 'Rapunzel,Rapunzel, let down your hair!' like she could all demand me to let down my luscious hair! So I was like, 'Stop, no tresspassing!' and she was like, 'Rapunzel,Rapunzel, let down your hair!' like she couldn't hear me! Sure im like 100 feet in the air but that dosen't mean shes deaf all of a sudden! So I said, 'Did I stutter?! No!'. But that didn't stop her! 'Rapunzel,Rapunzel, let down your hair!'. She kept on chanting. I didn't want that old hag to be standing out my only window all day so I let down my hair as she yanked herself up. 'Ouch!' I said. She was carrying a satchel. She reached her hand in the satchel and pulled out a pair of scisscors! Scissors! 'I just got my barbers liscence today!' She announced like she was Zues or something.'How wonderful...' I said weakly. Don't cut my hair, I thought. She turned to me. 'Rapunzel,' she said, 'Can I cut your hair?'. Cut your hair. Cut your hair, the words haunted me. I couldnt tell what I stuttered next. Probably something very intelligent like 'Ahhhh...Uhhh?'. She probably thought I said 'Uh huh!' because next thing i knew she was layerng and braiding and curling and straightening and weaving and crimping and all that other stuff. Just got her barber liscence was RIGHT! It was horrible! My hair was more damaged than Optimus Prime! So that night, she left. She accidently also left her barber scissors. I just finished cutting off my hair. I was bald and hideous! Then some 'prince' guy wanted to climb my tower like we were going to fall in love. He was like 'Rapunzel,Rapunzel, let down your hair!' and I said, 'Prince, prince, I HAVE no hair!'